Make Me Real Page 5

  “Oh, Pinn. You did good,” she said, lying back, her body lined up at my side.

  Goosebumps broke out on my arms, and that same nervous energy came back, trying to take over my peaceful state, but I shooed it away with a slow breath.

  With my gaze on the stars, I could see her watching me in my peripheral, until she turned her head forward and looked up at what I was seeing.

  “Wow, so it’s for the view, too, huh?” she said, her tone reverent. “I see now why you love this place. Come here a lot, I bet.”

  I sensed that was a question, but I wasn’t sure. “I do, yeah.”

  She made a small sound. “And how many girls have you taken up here, sweet Pinn?”

  Swallowing, I debated whether or not to just be honest with her. Well, I had always been honest, but it wasn’t every day—or anytime, for that matter—that I opened up to anyone. Ever. But the stars, the night, the beautiful woman with the soul of a butterfly beside me… I decided to not hide a thing. Not tonight.

  “None.” I didn’t turn to look at her, just kept my eyes on my star, the one that was the brightest of them all. “I’ve never been with a woman before.”

  Silence.

  I closed my eyes and waited for one of us to speak. Embarrassment, shame, and disappointment flooded me, but I stood my ground and let it wash through me, remembering Blue’s own words about being one’s self.

  Gentle fingers lightly touched my cheek and jaw, turning my head to face her. I opened my eyes. We were almost nose to nose. I noticed she had taken her mask off, too. By the light of the stars and the twinkling lights in the cherry trees around us, I could almost see my own eyes reflected in her wide ones.

  “Never?” she whispered, her eyes roaming every inch of my face, as if my answer were hidden there.

  I shook my head. “Never.”

  We stared at each other for a few seconds more before she asked, “Can I kiss you, Pinn?”

  My arms tightened against my chest where my breath caught. I couldn’t speak, so instead, I nodded.

  Slowly, as if I were a wild animal she wanted to touch, she moved closer to me, and without closing her eyes, her mouth touched mine. Her lips were so soft, so warm. The pressure was light at first, and then firmer. When she pulled back just a hair’s breadth, her tongue swept my bottom lip, and the sensation went straight to my cock like both were connected by some secret chord.

  “Open your mouth, Pinn,” she breathed into me, her face so close, her scent swallowing my whole reality.

  I did as she told me and opened, inviting her tongue to explore. The kiss quickly went from hesitant and sweet to something entirely different. I was tasting her. It was my turn now to learn her lips, her hot, wet mouth. She tasted like fruit, like lust, like heaven. And I wanted to drink her, consume her.

  In seconds, our breathing turned into pants and an exchange of heat. My head was swimming with everything Blue.

  When she released a little moan, my control was done. I uncrossed my arms and pulled her to me. Her hand went to my nape, changing the angle of our kiss, and I felt like I would lose my damn mind if I didn’t get close enough to her.

  Pulling away for breath, she leaned over me, half on her side, my arm under her for support, while my other hand had found hers on my chest.

  “Holy shit, Pinn,” she said, still out of breath. Then she smiled, but her smile held something I’d never seen in it before. Lust, want, passion.

  Surprise.

  I wanted more.

  “That was your first kiss, wasn’t it?” Her pupils were blown, making the color of her irises almost neon blue. She licked her lips, and I noticed how swollen they were. She looked flushed.

  “Yes.”

  “And how was it?” Her lips rose at the corners, and that mischievous gleam was back in her eyes. Her fingers traced a pattern on my chest, driving me insane.

  Instead of answering, I put my hand behind her neck, my fingers finding purchase in her hair, and pulled her mouth back down to mine. We both moaned this time, our lips hungry, our bodies coming alive. She crawled closer to me, half on my chest now, and when her leg covered my thigh, I bit her bottom lip, pulling the succulent flesh into my mouth, sucking greedily. She squirmed, and then it was her turn to bite.

  For what felt like hours, decades, we kissed, making out like I’d seen so many lovers do at the clubs and salons and on quiet street corners. Her taste was an elixir of everything that was good in the world. The sounds she made, the tiny squeaks, her sighs; every one of them made me breathless to hear more.

  Our pace slowed until our initial hunger was sated, leaving only languid, easy kisses.

  We broke apart at some point, and she laid her head on my chest as we both looked back up at the velvety sky. I played with her hair, the ribbon having come undone, the fallen tresses escaping.

  “What are you thinking right now?” she asked. Her hand lay flat against my chest, right on the spot where she now belonged, my heart.

  “How much I love your hair.” My voice was low and husky, and I hardly recognized it.

  She laughed, shoving her face in my neck. “What?”

  That bubbling sensation again trickled up and out of my throat. A laugh. “Your hair. It’s so soft, so long.” I kissed the top of her head, inhaling the smell of Blue. She had a scent I couldn’t name nor describe—I just loved it, and that was all that mattered.

  “It’s not real, you know. The color.” She laid her head back down and I felt her smile against me.

  I shrugged. “Even if it were green, I’d still love your hair.”

  “Green? Yuck!”

  I squeezed her and she giggled.

  My hand went back to playing with the silky strands. “Yep. Green, yellow, brown, black. I don’t care what color it is. But I must admit, I do like it blue, Blue.”

  “Oh look! Pinn, it’s a falling star!” She reached up and touched my face without moving her head off me, and I looked up, seeing the shiny tail of light shooting across the sky.

  “Make a wish,” she whispered.

  I kissed the hand at my cheek and closed my eyes.

  After a moment, she asked, “Did you wish, Pinn?”

  My eyes on the stars once more, I whispered back, “I did, Blue.”

  She sighed. “Me too, Pinn.”

  6

  Painted Ponies

  Hand in hand again, we crossed the park and headed toward Carnivale. The golden arch decorated in fake pearls and rubies was up ahead, and the line of people waiting to get in was staggering.

  I pulled out my pocket watch. It was twenty-minutes after midnight, which meant I had to be back at The Venusian in less than five and a half hours if I wanted to get into Pepper’s room before he crawled in after a night of partying it up.

  “You okay?” Blue asked, sensing my distraction, no doubt.

  I gave her what was becoming natural to me now—a smile. “I’m okay, yeah.” I looked at her and my cock hardened. Again. She had put her hair up in a braid that wrapped around her head, and the style made her seem even more beautiful. “Excited?”

  We had ditched our masks back at The Rabbit Hole, and my sweatshirt was back on, hood up. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me and getting word back to Pop. Besides, I rarely went out with my head uncovered.

  She hopped in place and grinned back. “Hell, yeah, I am! Although, I am getting a bit hungry. They serve food here, right?”

  “They do. And it’s already on the agenda,” I said, looking around, my voice deep with desire. Unable to help myself, I pulled her to the side, away from the walkway, and put her back up against a tall tree. “I’m hungry, too.”

  She laughed, and I swallowed the sound, taking her mouth and tasting her sweet tongue. It seemed like a century ago since I’d last kissed her. She gave back just as good as I took, though, pulling me to her, deepening the kiss. When she made that sound that drove me wild, our kiss turned almost savage.

  I was still holding her hand when she guided it
under her dress, her legs spreading just a few inches. “Touch me, Pinn. Please.” She bit my top lip and licked it.

  Fuck. Touch her? Feel the heat between those thighs?

  More than anything I wanted to, but the thought had me shaking. I groaned, my heart feeling like it was going to beat the fuck out of my chest and walk off.

  Pulling away, I rested my forehead on hers, our eyes meeting, our breathing labored. “Not here.”

  With wide, lust-ridden eyes, she nodded, then gave me a shy smile. “You really are a sweetheart, Pinn.”

  No, I’m not, I wanted to tell her.

  Instead, I narrowed my eyes playfully at her before kissing her head. “Come on, let’s go find you some food.”

  We waited in line, which turned out to be not as long as it looked, and ten minutes later, we were in. The first thing we did was purchase our masks at the kiosk. I chose the white one with black polka dots, and Blue picked out a yellow sequined one. The man at the kiosk asked if we wanted our picture taken, but I ignored him, grabbing Blue and pulling her inside the big top, the first of many attractions.

  Carnivale was both an inside and outside venue. The first part of the tour, the Big Top, was exactly that: a giant circus tent in red and white stripes. Various paths led to the many different shows inside, from jugglers, to knife throwing, clowns, and animals, all ending at the exact same exit. We didn’t stick around to see anything, since I wanted to get Blue some food.

  It was packed, as usual. I tried my best not to shove people out of the way. Not used to walking with a crowd but around one, I had to fight an internal battle of sensory overload—too many sounds, too many hands, too many masked faces way too close to me. Blue’s hand in mind was the only thing grounding me, that and the desire to get her fed.

  Finally, we arrived at one of the food vendors, out in the open air. I placed my order and paid the lady. While we waited, I pulled Blue close to me once more, my arms going around her, her back to me and facing the crowd.

  “This place truly is amazing,” she said. “So much to do and see.”

  I eyed the crowd, still feeling a bit exposed under the lights, so out in the open. But smelling Blue’s hair lured me back to the moment.

  For the first time in my life, I was happy. Not that secondary, fake shit either, nor that happy contentment I rarely felt, the kind when there were no jobs to take, when all I had to look forward to was a good book and a hot meal after Pop had passed out. No, this… emotion, this reality, was so much more different.

  Our food was ready, so I grabbed our bagged order and nodded toward one of the tables that was close to a garden area. Most importantly, it was nice and quiet and empty of people.

  Blue sat across from me and folded her hands on the stone table. “So, sir. What did you get us to eat?”

  “Something that will melt in your mouth.” My hand froze inside the bag at the look on Blue’s face. Those glitter eyes held mine, whispering sinful things. I cleared my throat, shaking my head. “You are a bad girl.”

  She threw her head back, laughing. “Okay, okay. I’ll be serious.”

  I gave her a look and a half-smile, feeling a ridiculous amount of heat in my cheeks. I grabbed the napkins in the bag and laid them on the table.

  “Close your eyes, Blue.” Once she did, I then pulled out the elephant ear. I tore off a small bit of the hot, fried confection. “Open your mouth.” My cock jerked to attention at the ease with which she obeyed, but I ignored it as I put the sugary dough onto her tongue. She accepted it, then licked my fingers clean.

  I swallowed. Fuck me. This woman was going to be the death of me.

  I let out a long, shaky breath. “Well? Like?” I asked her when she opened her eyes.

  She nodded slowly. “Oh. Oh yes. More please.”

  I fed her one more piece—I honestly couldn’t handle anymore temptation than that—then gave her the whole thing, placing it on her napkin. I pulled out the other elephant ear and we ate in silence, our eyes on one another. She finished before I did and reached over to feed me like I had with her. I didn’t close my eyes, though. She watched my mouth as I swirled my tongue around her finger, and her eyes widened when I sucked on it.

  “Oh Pinn,” she whispered on a sigh.

  I kissed the end of her finger, then finished chewing. “What?”

  “You are such a surprise.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just… moving here, preforming, finally, for the first time in my life for my own interests, just for myself. Everyone’s so nice here, and then I meet you.” She cradled my jaw in her hand, and I leaned into it. “I’m having a wonderful time tonight, by the way.”

  “I’m glad. I… I am too.” I grabbed our napkins, rolling them into a ball, and shoved them into the paper bag. “Come on. Let’s go. We have a lot to see.” I held out my hand, and she took it. Pressed up against me, I kissed her nose and tossed the bag into the garbage can next to us.

  “Yes, let’s go,” she said.

  I showed her everything I could in the time I had. We rode a few rides, watched a puppet show, pet the zebras. But mostly we talked—well, she talked more than I did. I learned that she was a year younger than me, had one older brother, and loved Chinese food. A lot. When I told her I’d never had it before, she told me that we had to get some before the night was through.

  We were riding side by side on the three-story carousel when she asked about my family.

  “It’s just my Pop and me,” I told her, hoping she’d move on from the subject. She must have seen something in my expression, heard a certain tone in my voice, because she let it drop.

  “Favorite color?” she asked next, leaning forward, her arms around the golden horse she was on.

  I waited to answer when our horses were level. “Blue.”

  Laughing, she patted her hair, her horse raising up, while mine swooped down. “Book?”

  I thought about it for a moment as the tinkering carousel music played one last chorus. “The Little Prince.”

  She sat up straighter on the horse. “No way, so is mine.” The expression on her face became serious, but then passed, turning soft, a look she had been giving me more of as the night wore on. “That’s too weird.”

  I leaned my cheek on the pole and watched her watching me. We were lost for a bit, and then finally, the horses slowed until the ride was done.

  We walked out of Carnivale, arm in arm, while Blue told me stories about working at Mesmer. She truly seemed to like it there.

  “I always wanted to be a singer,” she said as we waited at the nearest trolley stop. “Everyone always said I’d make it big one day. But it’s so hard. There are so many people out there wanting the same thing, you know?”

  Her little yellow mask was on top of her head, and as I looked at her, listening, I couldn’t help a stab of jealousy towards everyone who had been in Blue’s life before me. Nor could I help but be swallowed up by the envy I felt rising inside me as people passed us by, people that had a freedom I would never have.

  I’d never be free. I’d never be anything other than Pop’s puppet, his shadow. A nothing.

  One day, some night, a man would come into Blue’s life. He’d have all the time in the world. He wouldn’t have to hide. He’d be confident in his pursuit of her. And what sucked most of all, he’d have her, but he would never see her like I did, the preciousness that made up her soul.

  Just the thought of Blue allowing another a man to kiss her, hold her… I felt murderous.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, placing her small hand on my cheek. “Tired? I’m boring you, aren’t I…” She laughed self-consciously. “I’m a chatt—”

  I hushed her with my mouth, kissing her. When I pulled away, I lifted her chin with my finger. “Nothing’s wrong at all. Just thinking. And you could never bore me. Never.” I stared at her intently, studying her reaction. I knew my tone had come out a bit rougher than I’d liked, but she shouldn’t say shit like that about her
self.

  She blinked, then that tender, soft look came over her once more, making me breathe easier again. “You sure you’re okay?” She took our joined hands and raised them to her lips, kissing my knuckles, her eyelashes tickling the back of my hand.

  The jingle of the trolley’s arrival brought me back to the present. “I’m sure. Look, there’s our ride.”

  The trolley delivered us to Drury Lane in no time at all, and before I knew it, we were walking down to the hotel.

  “My God, my feet are killing me, all that walking,” Blue lamented.

  I looked down at her little feet and smiled, remembering her painted toenails. “Then I’ll carry you, my lady.” I swooped her up into my arms, and she let out a squeal.

  “Are you carrying me?” Her smile was infectious as she looked up at me.

  “Looks like it, doesn’t it?” I quipped. When she narrowed her eyes at me, I laughed along with her.

  “You don’t—”

  Splash.

  Something warm hit the top of my covered head, poured down my face, Blue’s face, her body, seemingly everywhere. Blue shrieked, and I held her, frozen. A clattering of metal fell near us with a tinny crash, rattling like a top. Once the deluge of whatever the hell was done being poured on top of us, I looked up.

  A man and a woman were on their balcony, two stories up, arguing. The woman had on an apron and was holding a wooden spoon in her hand. The man had his finger in her face, waving it to and fro.

  “Hey!” I yelled up at them. “What the fuck?”

  “Pinn, just let it—” Blue started to say.

  No, I wasn’t going to let it go. “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

  The couple kept arguing, lost in their own world, oblivious to us down below.

  “Pinn?” Blue hissed at me. “Put me down!”

  I looked down at her. Her face and hair were covered in red goop, and the smell of garlic teased my nose. Sauce? I turned my head and looked over my shoulder to the noise I’d heard earlier. It was a big cooking pot.